Tuesday, January 01, 2008

The long and the short of it is.......

life continues.....

Much has happened since my last post -- Christmas -- it was a good one

We went to California for my brothers memorial service. It was beautiful. His children were there -- they are an amazing trio those 3. I'd could go on and on about them but since I have yet to ask their permission to blog about them I'll just say this --- the three of them - well, 3 + 1 are amazing and loving and they fill my soul with pride. It is not a surprise that their father was SO PROUD of everything they did -- they stood united and provided him with a beautiful and moving memorial. I didn't speak at his service -- I couldn't I thought I might be able to but I just couldn't. I will cherish every single memory. I will hold them tight within my heart. I'll bring them out every once in a blue moon. I will pass them on to my niece and nephews and their future children.

The funeral home provided this great Hawaiian cloth pouch to house Rick's ashes -- his sunglasses perched atop the box. The card that is Rick on the front riding a wave --- if anything about this had to be perfect this was..Rick riding a wave -- perfect

.....My father came -- didn't speak one word to him -- I simply have nothing to say -- I have said my peace I have spoken the absolute truth it simply doesn't matter if he wants to hear it or not -- the truth is the truth and the truth stands alone. He didn't speak to my children watched them but didn't speak to them not that I expected him to. Brendan was afraid he would say something hurtful to him -- make him feel like crap again. That would NOT have happened. My kids were surrounded by love and protected by that same love -- 2 Great Aunties, Cousins by the trio (plus one) and various assorted 2nd cousins.I appreciate that he was there for Rick's children -- I appreciate that he was able to give Rick the respect in death that he was unable to give him in life. It doesn't change things but I think it may have meant something to Rick.

My children did great. Brendan was very sad -- he was also torn as he doesn't really remember Rick just phone calls. He is sad that he won't have the chance to have his Uncle Rick to teach him to surf as they had talked about. He is sad that Rick won't be able to take him out spear fishing. He is sad that he won't be able to hug his uncle. He is glad that he was able to tell Rick that he loved him. He is so sensitive that boy of mine!!! Whitlee met her partner in crime:) Key is about 15 hours older than Whit -- she is the daughter of my cousin -- adorable simply adorable!!! They are 2 girls cut from the same bolt of fun!!!!

We are back and I am trying to get back in the "groove" --- school starts on Thursday --- lots of laundry to do --- sadness simply invades my being -- I miss him desperately -- I miss that the phone will no longer ring and a voice will say"Hey, little sister". I suppose it will get easier -- that's what they tell me "It will get easier" We shall see.

Happy New Year!!!! May 2008 be better than 2007.


ValJane said...

First of all Penny, I have to say that I love the sunglasses. I'm so sorry that your Christmas had to be sidetracked (for lack of a better word) by that kind of pain. It will get better but it might take more time than you know....and then the sadness creeps back on you at certain times for certain reasons. Maybe this is what being human is about....It really sucks sometimes, but we just have to walk it through day by day. Brendan is such a little man. We never want our kids to experience the pain huh? They are always too young. Remember I am here for you. E-mail me if you don't have my number. I stay up late and go to bed early, and I do miss you so.

Pamela said...

I'm so sorry you had such a sad end to your year.
I hope that your 2008 is better.
From experience, the pain and sadness fade but they are always there. Sometimes stronger than other times. The pain and sadness never really go away.