Monday, March 15, 2010

how do I post about this and not sound like a bat-shit crazed mother????

In almost 14 years as a parent I have learned many lessons -- I've learned to determine what a I'm tired cry is vs. an I'm hungry cry vs. an I'm wet cry. I've learned to always carry kleenex and handiwipes in my purse at all times. I've learned that lifesavers can calm a fussy kiddo. I've learned that you simply cannot reason with a 2, 5, 6, 9, 12, 13 and I suspect 14 year old. I have learned to teach my children to say "Yes, Mam" and "No, Mam" to say "Yes, please" and "No, thank you" -- I've taught them to think of others. I've taught them to be proud of their accomplishments. I've taught them to strive for the best because they are worthy and they deserve the best. I have cheered when they have excelled and hugged and cried with them when things haven't gone their way. I've taught them that if you try your very best then you will succeed - and to be proud of the attempt.

I've taught them other things also -- I've taught them that it's Ok to eat dinner for breakfast, that laughing even when you think you shouldn't is ok, I've taught them to sing at the top of their lungs and enjoy every second of it, I have kissed there boo boo's and given a firm hand where one is needed. I am a PROUD mother -- My children will never wonder or doubt for one single fraction of a second if they are loved, wanted or valued. My children are my most cherished accomplishment -- they are truly the reason I live and breathe -- they are the reason I put one foot in front of the other each and every day. They know that my focus is them and that I will help them be the best people that they can be. I expect great things from them and I know that they will do them. They are amazing beings these two persons Jeff and I brought into this world. They will do amazing things and I look forward to seeing what they are!!!

All this being said I am a FIERCE protector of my children -- a parent that isn't drives me insane! I've been in Mommy Bear mode only a couple of times in 14 years..... Wednesday, March 3rd gave me a lesson in Mommy hood -- It put me in yet another Mommy Bear situation that I'd hoped I'd never be in -- Yet, we have come out of the situation wiser for it.

Before you read any further know this -- while this is my blog and I am free to post ANYTHING I choose - I blog daily - not all blogs are published - well, because frankly it's no ones' business!!! I am actually going to post this blog -- because well I have spoken to Brendan about it and he said he didn't mind if I posted it or not. See, my children understand that as their parent I value their opinion.

Brendan attends 8th grade - his school has a "no hat" policy -- translation -- From the hours of 7:15 to 2:15 YOU DON'T WEAR A HAT AT SCHOOL. This has never been an issue -- Brendan was going to go to a buddy's house -- they were going to work out and then play some baseball. Jeff was picking him up after work -- I was pretty sick (thanks family for sharing) -- I decided to take a nap -- Whitlee was with me -- She was so excited she got to watch extra tv -- I CRASHED....I woke to the phone ringing -- it was the Auburn School District -- why were they calling??? probably nothing -- Brendan had texted me saying he was on his way to his buddy's and Whitlee was next to me...I ignored it.........The phone rang again.......It was the Auburn School District ----- I ignored it -----------then my cell phone was the Auburn School District ----- I JOLTED up -- why would they be calling me???? Whitlee was with me and Brendan was on his way to his buddy's house. It was Sydney on the phone -- she is the most amazing nurse!!!! She was the school nurse when Brendan went to Evergreen Heights and had all his migraine issues -- she is AWESOME!!!! She says the words that literally make my heart stop "Stephanie, It's Sydney - I have Brendan in the nurses office - he has been assaulted - I need you to come to the school -- please drive carefully." Well, that's all I vaguely remember her saying -- there was a lot of buzzing happening in my head. Now, here is a new fun fact where our new van is concerned -- if your emergency brake is engaged and you put your van in gear....back up and then put it into drive....all sorts of bells start going off --- and your van doesn't go very fast even if you have the peddle pushed all the way to the floor. I imagine Steven has a better memory of my call -- all I remember is screaming Brendan has been hurt get to the school -- I tried not to run every single freaking red light I encountered -- It seemed to take an eternity to get 2 miles -- Steven I have to say makes good time! I'd hate to come up against him when he is in UNCLE mode -- My phone rang and I remember hearing Steven say Breathe -- don't run any lights getting here -- I'm here and Brendan is OK. I know I called Jeff about a million times -- when in reality it was probably 3 or 4 (I think). When talking to Steven I am wondering where his buddy's are --- they were suppose to be with them -- I'm thinking if someone jumped Brendan and those boys took off I was going to have a serious conversation with their parents!! I am screaming at Steven -- WHERE ARE XXXXXXX AND XXXXXXX?? Steven said there were 2 boys in the nurses office with Brendan -- he asked the nurse who they were she couldn't tell him (privacy rules and all) -- So, Steven looks directly at them and said "You better tell me your names" -- I breathed a sigh of relief as they were Brendan's buds :) They didn't leave his side, they totally have his back. I got to the school and went running into the office - As Steven had determined that Brendan was OK he had gone from YOU DON'T MESS WITH MY NEPHEW mode to "Uncle Steven" -- when I walked into the nurses office I hear Steven say "Don't worry Brendan that eye will uncross eventually" (insert hee hee hee here!). As any parent I gave Brendan the once over - and looked to Sydney for confirmation he was OK -- I called Jeff to let him know Brendan was fine -- called Brendan's Dr. to make sure we could get in and get him checked once we were done with the police.

In addition to Brendan there were 3 other eye witnesses -- his 2 friends and his history teacher. All 3 were totally willing to give statements and testify if necessary. From what I understand this is what happened......The last bell rang -- Brendan went to his locker and got his stuff -- texted me to let me know he was on his way to his friends -- put his hat on and the boys headed out - they had to walk a couple of girls to the bus. From behind a kid (later we find out he is a 10th grader) came up behind him and took his hat right off his head. Now, Brendan didn't know the kid - what he knew was that the kid took his hat. He (Brendan) didn't say anything - but walked up to the kid and took the hat out of the kids hand. The kid (a 10th grader currently suspended from an alternative school) turned and closed fist punched Brendan squarely on his left cheek. (it's here I'd like to note for only the 2nd time since Brendan was born I saw COMPLETELY RED - Like when Auntie Sue says RED DOUBLE). Brendan is assuring me he is ok but his face and head hurt - I stepped outside the nurses office to have a word with his teacher -- I really wanted to know what was going on. Evidently, Brendan took the complete punch -- he didn't go down, he didn't even sway. He waved off his buddies and didn't punch the kid back. Now, Brendan may look like a mild mannered kid...someone who couldn't hurt a fly....if you believe that you couldn't be more wrong -- Brendan is more than capable of defending himself and we have taught him don't go looking for trouble but if it finds you do not hit first...that being said if someone hits you you are fully entitled to defend yourself and hit back BUT, if you do make it count and end it! (later when I asked him why he didn't hit him back he said all he could think of was that he was still on school grounds and if he hit the guy back he would get in trouble). While I am checking over Brendan the principal and vice principal are chasing after the kid and his brother who is a 7th grader at Brendan's school. They had the brothers -- the police had arrived -- it's time to ID the kid......Now, the kids (the brothers) didn't deny the assault occurred -- seriously, they didn't -- the 7th grader was telling the police that he was the one who punched Brendan -- and the reason was because Brendan had been bullying him!!! When the Principal and Vice Principal heard this they both laughed -- LOUDLY!!!! Being a bully and Brendan do not go together!!!! The nice police officer who was a member of the swat team took Brendan and the 3 other witnesses down to ID the kid. The officer asked if I was interested in going down with them -- he assured me that Brendan would be totally safe. I didn't think that it was a good idea for me to get a look at this kid -- in hindsight part of my wants to know what he looks like so that in my Bat-shit crazy mommy moments I have a face to put on the piece of crap I am kicking the shit out of!!! I stayed at the school with the Vice Principal -- while we were waiting for them to come back we talked about Brendan's safety at the school. It was during this time I realized I was sitting in the Vice Principal's office IN MY PAJAMAS!!! with no bra and half of my hair was sticking straight up!!! I looked at the Vice Principal and said "I bet this is a side of me you thought you'd never see huh" -- yeah, cause when I am there every week volunteering I am SO NOT in my PJ'S!!!!! :) To his credit he just smiled and said "I wasn't going to even mention it!!!" What a guy!!! The police officer brought everyone back and informed me that both brothers were being arrested for strong armed robbery and felonious assault - which carries a term of 20 years. In addition to those charges the younger brother was also being arrested for hindering a police investigation (because he tried to take the blame) - the kid that hit Brendan was already suspended from his alternative school -- so there would be other charges and penalties involved for him. I was worried about Brendan being safe -- these boys were arrested because of what happened to Brendan -the police officer said that because of their age the brothers wouldn't have anger towards Brendan - they would be mad at the school and the police (because of the authority). For one split second I wondered out loud "Where the hell were these kids parents????" Not involved was the reply I got -- the 7th grader has had issues at the school.....Brendan gave his statement and I rushed him to the Dr. --- the Dr. checked him over -- said he was good -- said he'd most probably have a migraine and told me that once the adrenaline left his body he was going to be MAD!! I didn't think it would happen but once he ate his pizza and calmed down he was PISSED -- I won't go into the details but I will say that I've learned that I can bear hug a thrashing teen for 45 minutes.

Brendan missed 2 days of school due to his migraine - he posted on facebook that night - he and I have talked a lot about what happened -- why would someone do this??? Sadly, at 13 he learned that some parents don't care what happens to their kids. He learned that he can take a hit like a champ, he learned what a bat-shit crazy mom who protects her kid looks like, he learned that while he lives in a safe environment there are people who don't, he learned how quickly his mom and Uncle Steve can revert to ghetto mode when needed, he learned what friendship is, he learned that doing the right thing is the right thing, he learned that if you get punched in the face your mom will buy you Pizza Hut Pepperoni Stuffed Crust Pizza, he learned that his parents will ALWAYS be there for him, protecting and guiding him, he learned that in the face of a crisis he is able to think with a sound mind, he learned that in the grand scheme of things while getting punched in the face SUCKED it could have been so much worse and he learned that anger is not the way. He learned other things but that is his story -- maybe one day he'll tell it - maybe he won't but that is up to him..............It doesn't matter if he does or if he doesn't I've got his back.....When he was 8, when he is 13, when he is....well, it doesn't matter I will ALWAYS have his back -- I am proud of you son! You are an amazing young man - I am glad and I am grateful that I am a part of your life.......YOU SO TOTALLY ROCK!!!!


I'm Valerie Ballou Burr said...

Penny Brendan is one lucky little Bumblebee. He should be forever thankful that he landed in your "hive" The PJ part did make me laugh out loud though. I guess some of the stuff they learn comes wrapped up in some nasty the end of the day, we're there with bear hugs and pepperoni pizza. In the end we always have their back. Penny, you rock!